The Marrying Kind

My husband has a female coworker who is always on the prowl for a man. She says she is ready for a family and kids, but she just needs the man. As I sit and listen to her stories about how she is trying to find this guy I can’t help but think she is going about it all wrong.

Granted, I married my high school sweetheart, so I could be way off base here.

But it just seems like she is trying too hard, in all the wrong directions, with the wrong kind of guys. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not think that all guys are scum. However, some are receptive to relationships and others are not (at least for the time being).

I think you know what I mean. It’s the difference between the guy who will call you and ask you on a date a week in advance and the guy who calls you 30 minutes before. The difference between a guy who will let you cry on his shoulder when your pet dies and the kind that bails at the first sign of tears. Most importantly, the difference between the guy who treats you like you are a person and the guy who treats you like you are a thing.

I guess the question for her is: How do you find that guy? I think she should be asking: How do you attract that guy?

Honestly, I don’t really know because I got lucky. But my husband has told me that he was attracted me because I was different. Because I was silent and confident (AKA shy) and because I wasn’t throwing myself at him. (His words not mine). He said that he could tell by the way I handled myself and talked to him and others that I had respect for myself.

Someday, I know I will need to tell Adelyn how to act around guys. Not because I want her to be a prude or think I should dictate everything she ever does, but because I know she will ask. Maybe not in a straight forward way, but she will. I think I will tell her this:

Make sure a guy is attracted to your smile, not how short your skirt is.
That he loves your eyes, not just your cleavage.
That he doesn’t have to wonder where your boundaries are, because you know them.
He needs to put effort into knowing you and you do too.
He should use the words beautiful, smart, and funny to describe you.
He won’t be perfect, but he will try to be around you.
And he will, eventually, be able to imagine a future with you because you will be the marrying kind.

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22 thoughts on “The Marrying Kind

  1. I didn’t marry my high-school sweetheart – I actually dated a few jerks before my husband came along. Losing the desperation for a guy is what got me the right one. I got burned badly and decided I was done – dating wasn’t worth a thing and I wanted to be alone. Then what do you know? The One came along once I didn’t “need” a man.

    1. I have heard ladies say that a lot, that once you don’t NEED them they show up. Kind of like the dirty socks I have in my living room… Except I love my husband. I should add something like this to my list. “The perfect guy it the one you aren’t looking for, the one that finds you” type of thing. Can you tell I’m the ‘sappy’ type??

  2. The last thing I was looking for was a man when my husband and I found each other. What a wonderful man; that was thirty one years ago. Before, when I wasn’t ready there was another guy, not so great. And I think that was all on me, I picked someone unworthy because I wasn’t quite ready emotionally. And when I was the perfect man found me!

    Like your blog, signed as an e-mail follower.

  3. My husband and I had met (briefly) in person twice through a mutual friend. We talked online for around 4 years before we actually went on a date! Because he came best-friend-pre-approved and listened to my rambling online for so long I assumed it was safe to say he liked ME not a face or a body. 🙂

    1. I would say it was quite obvious that he was head over heels for you!! My husband and I use to say up until 2am chatting back and forth online too! Such sweet memories!

      That’s when you know you have a keeper if he’ll put up with rambling!

  4. Hi it’s me again.

    I just checked my g-mail and I didn’t get any type of confirmation e-mail for the follow that I signed up for on your blog earlier this evening.

    Other times I’ve followed by e-mail on other blogs I received an e-mail. So I was wondering if I need to do a re-do or did it go thru? Just checkin!
    Thanks, Jen
    jenfbs@gmail.com

  5. I think, in general, we are so used to settling, or better yet, we get to the point where we feel invested in a situation and think it is “enough” because we don’t want to start over again. Before you can find a good guy, you have to believe you are worth the love and attention of a good guy. You have to carry yourself in such a way that the other person is attracted to the real you, and not just what is on the surface. Great post!

  6. Michele, you are doing such a great job with this blog! Look at all these comments….you are growing and growing, how exciting! 🙂
    So about this subject, I PROMISE Paxton will be good to Ade. We are trying really hard to raise him in a way that would be pleasing to God. 🙂

    I read this on FB the other day about daughters, and found it to be very true:
    “We need to teach our daughters how to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her …. a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her …. a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly ….. a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her ….. a man who believes he is God’s gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man!”

    One more before I go, this one I will teach my boys:
    “If she’s amazing she won’t be easy. If she’s easy she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you aren’t worthy.”

    Hugs! ~T

    1. Thank Tonya, I’ve been really working on it. It’s a great outlet for me and helps me to get things off my mind!

      Love, I repeat LOVE the facebook quote!! It really does say it all, right!!

      And with you and Dale as parents I know Pax (and Ty!) will be godly men and that any girl would be lucky to marry them! I would be overjoyed if our kids got together one day, but since we don’t do arranged marriages in our society anymore I guess they will have to decide!!

      The last quote is amazing too. I know I’ve said it before, but I will say it again, we are BLESSED to have you guys as friends! We really should get together for a play date sometime soon!

      Love, Michele

  7. You are truly lucky to have married your high school sweetheart and it has lasted. Not everyone is that lucky (i am married and divorced). The pool of quality men in the world isnt what is use to be and I think there comes a point when some women just start to settle. Wishing you and your husband many many more wonderful years together! Nice to know that there are still happy married couples in the world. Gives the rest of single women a little bit of hope!

    BTW: newest follower from the blog hop (via news feed)! Hope you will stop by and follow back! Have a wonderful weekend and looking forward to reading more!

    http://singlemominspiration.blogspot.com/

  8. Pingback: 2011 in review — How fun is this? « Chemically Inclined

  9. I like this post. It is thoughtful and so well worded. I have three daughters. They will definitelyh be asking me questions one day…I already tell them I pray they find a husband as wonderful as their daddy. We found each other later in life than I would have liked, but the timing was perfect.

    1. What a fun household of girls! I keep thinking that Ade might need a sister (because I can totally plan something like that! LOL) Thank you so much for your comment and stopping by! I am really glad that you enjoyed my post!

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