My husband has a female coworker who is always on the prowl for a man. She says she is ready for a family and kids, but she just needs the man. As I sit and listen to her stories about how she is trying to find this guy I can’t help but think she is going about it all wrong.
Granted, I married my high school sweetheart, so I could be way off base here.
But it just seems like she is trying too hard, in all the wrong directions, with the wrong kind of guys. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not think that all guys are scum. However, some are receptive to relationships and others are not (at least for the time being).
I think you know what I mean. It’s the difference between the guy who will call you and ask you on a date a week in advance and the guy who calls you 30 minutes before. The difference between a guy who will let you cry on his shoulder when your pet dies and the kind that bails at the first sign of tears. Most importantly, the difference between the guy who treats you like you are a person and the guy who treats you like you are a thing.
I guess the question for her is: How do you find that guy? I think she should be asking: How do you attract that guy?
Honestly, I don’t really know because I got lucky. But my husband has told me that he was attracted me because I was different. Because I was silent and confident (AKA shy) and because I wasn’t throwing myself at him. (His words not mine). He said that he could tell by the way I handled myself and talked to him and others that I had respect for myself.
Someday, I know I will need to tell Adelyn how to act around guys. Not because I want her to be a prude or think I should dictate everything she ever does, but because I know she will ask. Maybe not in a straight forward way, but she will. I think I will tell her this:
Make sure a guy is attracted to your smile, not how short your skirt is.
That he loves your eyes, not just your cleavage.
That he doesn’t have to wonder where your boundaries are, because you know them.
He needs to put effort into knowing you and you do too.
He should use the words beautiful, smart, and funny to describe you.
He won’t be perfect, but he will try to be around you.
And he will, eventually, be able to imagine a future with you because you will be the marrying kind.